It was evident that you wanted to hear about gaslighting as the most popular topic for discussion. Our interest in this topic has risen when Katie Thurston appeared on the Bachelorette. On social media, there was a lot of discussion about Katie’s dispute with Greg Grippo and whether or not he was being dishonest with her.
In this piece, we’ll explain what gaslighting is, where the phrase came from, and how to tell if someone is engaging in this type of deceitful conduct.
What is a Gaslight?
Gaslighting is the process by which someone manipulates you into doubting your own perception of reality or your remembrance of past events. It is a sort of emotional abuse intended to deceive individuals and make them doubt themselves.
In order to be gaslit, you don’t even have to be in a love relationship. Family, friends, and coworkers may all help with this. An example of gaslighting in the workplace was provided by Laura from Laura’s Books and Blogs. “My boss was dying of cancer,” he told me. After she died, I learned that our office would be closing. My bosses embarrassed me and said this would never happen when I brought it up. My employer died three months later, and I was informed an hour before her burial that our office would be closing. Laura was deceived into believing that her employment was secure by her superiors.
From the previous scenario, it is clear that anyone can deceive another individual with the use of gaslighting. In intimate relationships, gaslighting is most common. In some cases, the gaslighter may have narcissistic personality disorder or be employing gaslighting to manipulate their spouse. Gaining control over another individual is the primary motivation for gaslighting them.
When and where did the term originate?
Originally coined in the 1944 film Gaslight, the phrase “gaslighting” alludes to a husband’s attempt to make his wife believe that she has mental instability. However, the term has just recently become widespread. This season’s Bachelorette, Katie Thurston, has brought the term “gaslighting” into the public eye, and people are questioning what exactly defines it.
Toxic Behavior: How to Identify It
Eight techniques to tell whether someone is gaslighting you are outlined below. This is not an all-inclusive guide. What we’ve seen about gaslighters is that they share a number of characteristics.
If you believe you’ve been subjected to gaslighting and need assistance, contact a professional therapist or go to Crisis Text Line to learn more about emotional abuse and the services available to you.
They accuse you of saying or doing something you deny having said or done.
Have you ever been having a conversation with someone and suddenly brought up a memory from your past that they seemed to like revisiting? After that, they’d say something like, “you never said/did/reminded me of it.” The first red flag has been sounded here. It’s possible that someone will claim that you said or did something that didn’t occur.
A person may have misremembered an incident or forgotten something if it happens infrequently. Nevertheless, if this is happening all the time, it’s possible that the person is attempting to fool you. Changes in the past narrative are a part of gaslighting.
They make you doubt your own abilities.
Is that truly what happened, or am I just making it up as I go? Be careful if you’re asking this inquiry based on what someone else has stated. In the event you’ve been convinced that you’ve misremembered an occurrence after a talk with them, take a few moments to dwell on the conversation. When someone tells you that your interpretation of events is incorrect, it’s a major contrast from arguing about minor points.
Write down what happened and what the other person said first. Is there anyone else who can assist you in remembering what happened? This may serve to reassure you that what transpired was real. In addition, contemplate the frequency with which this occurs. Your confidence may be misplaced if you’re constantly troubled by the actions of a single individual.
These people make you feel as if your feelings aren’t important.
In a love connection, this is extremely relevant. To be on the safe side, if you have ever expressed your feelings and they have answered by saying “no” or “you don’t,” you should be cautious.
We have no control over how we feel all of the time. As a result, knowing that your feelings are valid is vital. If someone makes you feel that way, it’s safe to assume they’re not someone you should spend time with.
However, just because you’re furious doesn’t give you license to yell, scream, or otherwise degrade another person. The best way to express your feelings is to do so quietly. You’re being gaslighted if the person still attacks you and refuses to accept your emotions.
They make you continuously feel the need to apologise for your actions.
Feel like you’re always doing something wrong in their presence? Is it necessary for you to tread on eggshells at all times? As a person, if you’ve ever made up an excuse for yourself in order to make an apology, you’ve fallen prey to this trap. As long as you’re sorry for doing nothing wrong, you’re in this trap. In the event that the other person is inconvenienced in any way, you have fallen into this trap.
In numerous ways, this can be demonstrated. Angry with not knowing where you are at all times, they lash out. If you don’t greet them right away when they get home, they’ll go off on you. To apologize for being alive is another option.
Self-esteem is lowered by them.
When you’re in a relationship with a manipulator, they make you doubt yourself so much that you don’t believe anybody else could love you. That explains your decision to remain. It was Stephen Chbosky who expressed it best: “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
A family member, friend or mental health professional should be sought out immediately if you ever find yourself in this situation.
They give you the impression that you’re going insane.
The person is gaslighting you to the point where you feel like you’re about to lose your mind. They do this by constantly assaulting your rational thinking and making up reasons to convince you that it’s not okay. In the film Gaslight, the husband does everything he can to make his wife lose her mind in order to gain control over her, which is the main topic. If this is the case, the individual is trying to exert their authority over you and your life by threatening you.
Self-deprecating behavior is normalized.
They’re behaving rationally and normally…
I think it’s unusual that you’re acting this way. This has always been how they’ve done things. These people may even concoct stories about you behaving badly in order to make you believe that your own behavior is the problem.
This is clearly a sly ploy to get you to wonder why you’re so different from everyone else and how this individual has become the standard. It’s harmful to accept toxic conduct as normal because it could lead you to believe that everyone will treat you the same way, including potential romantic partners, friends, and family members.
Consider this: If your gut tells you that not everyone would treat you in this manner, you are probably correct.
Playing the victim is a favorite pastime for them.
If you ever bring up their actions, they’ll turn on you and blame you for it. Trying to discuss something they did behind your back with them will prompt them to question your motives for doing so. The conclusion of the story is that to gaslighters, they can do no wrong and every terrible thing that occurs to them is their own fault. Despite their firm belief in this, they have no idea of personal responsibility.
If you try to alter someone like this, you won’t succeed at all. The situation will not improve if you stay for a longer period of time. Furthermore, these folks don’t understand the concept of healthy limits. Don’t be scared to get help if you think you’re the victim of gaslighting or emotional abuse!